Getting even is not something you deserve, it’s something you earn. If someone mistreats you in life, you don’t deserve revenge. You’re not entitled to get even just because somebody mistreated you. Instead, you have a decision to make.
Are you going to accept this kind of behavior or are you going to work to improve your position in life so it never happens again? Any two-bit emotional reaction you have to being mistreated will only cause you more pain. These kinds of reactions are weak, sloppy, and ineffective. Studies show that wanting revenge stimulates the reward centers of your brain, but actually getting revenge, stimulates the remorse centers of your brain.
In other words, the power of revenge lies in its ability to inspire action. Wanting to get revenge is healthy, but you must be very careful about you leverage this wanting. Don’t waste your desire for revenge. Instead, use it. There are three important things to remember when using revenge to your advantage.
- First, stop running your mouth. When someone treats you poorly, your initial reaction will be to complain or to badmouth them. This is your sloppy way of getting revenge, but really you’re only hurting yourself.
When you complain like this, you give negative people the information they need to hold you back or push you around even more. You give them a bigger target to hit, so stop it. Instead, cut off all forms of communication with these people. Quit feeding them the fuel they need to control you. Quit giving them a target to hit. Quit reacting. Instead, be proactive.
Negative people feed off of aggressive reactions. They will be aggressive with you just to get you aggressive in return. Now, they know what triggers you. Now they know what you really want. A better strategy is to remove yourself from the situation completely and watch these people fight themselves.
- Second, stay unemotional. Getting even with someone should never be emotional. Instead, it should simply be a business decision. Someone has affected the cost to benefit ratio of your life, and now you need to act strategically in order to improve your position so it never happens again.
The best way to do this is to channel other people’s manipulative actions into something productive that benefits you. Don’t cry and don’t whine about how unfair life is. Instead, use pain to your advantage. Channel your energy into making something happen for yourself. Growth is the best revenge.
- Third, get revenge on yourself, not others. Cussing your boss out and quitting, taking a baseball bat to your ex’s car. This is what fools do.
When people take advantage of you in life, it’s just as much your fault as it is their fault. You put yourself in a compromising position. You allowed yourself to be pushed around and manipulated. Now take responsibility for it. Use the fact that you were mistreated as motivation to improve your position.
Where are you vulnerable in life? What knowledge do you lack? What skills do you need to develop? These are the questions you should be asking. Lashing out at others or turning sly and manipulative is a waste of time. Don’t turn the microscope on other people, turn it on yourself. After all, who are you really trying to help? What’s the point in showing other people that they’re wrong? Let them be wrong.
Let them keep living their sad little lives. You have bigger and better things to do. Real justice is not making your enemies see your point of view. Real justice is rising far above your enemies so they can’t even see you anymore. Do this and you will live a more confident and focused life. Until next time, live like a lion.